Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In America we eat man semen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
