this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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