Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
