Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
