so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
