I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
