I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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