I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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