upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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