September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize