Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
