I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
