Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
