I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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