When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
