you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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