I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
