this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
