her vagina looked like bernie madoff
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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