a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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