You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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