he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
