We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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