i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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