I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
