I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
