sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize