I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
