Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
