Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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