I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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