dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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