the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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