When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dick very happy bro
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
