Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His nipple licking is glorious
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