you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize