I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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