i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
