I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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