why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
