What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
