Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize