ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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