It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
