I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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