That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
there is glitter all over my balls
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
