You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
