what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
