We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
