I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
