just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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