Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize