he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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