Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
