Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
