my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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