Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
