i love accidental penises.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
