I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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