I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
