"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
