goodnight i made you a song goodbye
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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