I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize