Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
50% drunk capacity currently
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
