I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
