This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
