everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we made out on top of his cat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
